Who Let You out?

I Run This Shit!

I'm an educated fool, with money on my mind

Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye

I'm a loped-out gangsta, set-trippin banger

and my homies is down, so don't arouse my anger, fool

 

Eat Your Vegetables Punch Your Cat

I am supposed to write an article about Ryan and Evan's dog Brodie Waffles, but fucked if I know what to write. 

Brodie is a he, and a dog, I think he likes dog food. Brodie, might like bacon, but Ryan likes bacon more. Brodie, is yellow and a lab, and suffers from not having a neck due to a tragic water skiing accident when he was a pup. Now Brodie is neckless, this makes for a slight inconvenience when collar shopping. Brodie, once saved a school bus full of blind children from german, pepe, whacking transsexuals, with a rubber hose, and a latex vagina. Brodie is old, and has kicked Chuck Norris in the balls and has lived to tell about it. Brodie once ran for president and won but gave all the powers to George W. Bush. Brodie always wraps his tool, cause he is not a fool. I think he played lead guitar in the popular 90's group Enya, but quit due to creative differences. Fact, Brodie is not allowed to go down stairs. Sources tell me that it takes Brodie Waffles seven minutes to lay down. Brodie is not a Buffalo Bills fan. Brodie gets more ass than a toilet seat. Brodie will drink you under the table because he is a dog, and fits under the table. He has no mother because he manifested himself from the Underverse, and is a Necromonger. One time he drank Mike ditka. Contrary to popular belief, He is not a vampire and will not suck your blood. Brodie always sticks it to the man, but prefers women. He is not dead. Brodie lives in a house? 

Currently he is still living at his parents house in Lakewood NY, trying to write the great american novel. There was a recent Brodie Waffles sighting in Ellicottville NY, but when contacting his people they declined an interview.   

So, that's, like, the Waffles in a nut shell, there are many more tales filled with raping and pillaging, but writing this is wearing me out...I need a drinkie!

Until next time, STAY POKING!!!!! 

P.s Do not forget to drink your bourbon kids. It promotes cardiovascular health, strong bones, and this delightful euphoric feeling know as Shit Faced!! 

P.S.s Sorry about he quality of the photos...Evan suffers form parkinson or some other debilitating disease that dose not allow a human being to hold a camera properly.   

SAVE THE KIDS!!!! NAO!

Is That Ben's Mom?

I just had to post this...sorry if I offend anyone, but this is great shit!

Thank you internet, you're awesome!

P.s are those midgets? 

I heart midgets,a and porn with midgets!

That's Not My Foot!

Everyone who missed October fest is a DICK!!!!!!

More to come.....

The Buck Stops With Chuck

Welcome, sit, have a drink, relax, enjoy ya self....ahhhh that's nice!  Today I would like to introduce you to my good friend Chase's and his less than conventional salutations. Now what you have to understand is chase is just as normal as you and I if not  more so: job, steady GF, house, dog; the domestic scene. What sets him apart form the rest and deserves a spot on EHS, is the interesting and colorful ways he chooses to say goodbye. Now it's important to keep an open mind, all of what he says is meant in good fun, but when caught off  guard by his nosensical ramblings can be confusing like that cube but very funny nonetheless. 

I will start off easy today, throwing out one to ponder/use/whatever....

STAY POKIN'

Ok, this is a recent favorite salutation of my good friend, Chase, and is more often than not directed to men after a long night of drinking. Known for it's fun sexual innuendo, playfully tossed out there like grand mama's salad. 

how to use this in everyday speech:

Marc Fresh: Hey Chase, thanks for having me over, it's been a great night.

Chase: Alright, been fun holmes, Stay Pokin'!    

Marc Fresh: Did he just tell me to, "Stay Pokin'!?" WTF!? 

Next time you are out and about with all the doods and it's time to call it a night, remember STAY POKIN' is a gold medal closer!   

My Beer Is Warm, Can You Hold This?

Last year on a sunny February day we decided to switch it up for a change, and get drunk. Triple's parents were hosting the Yacht club ski party that weekend and we were all in town for the Mardi Gras festival that was going on. The weather was great and the snow was even better, it made for a great time. 

I flew out of RDU that friday at 9:30am and was scheduled to land in Buff.  5pm or so. I had a layover in Philly and landed about 11:30 and had a hour to kick it. You guessed it, I ran straight to the first bar I could find. Sitting at the counter, I was watching the weather and noticed that a huge weather system was headed for NY that did not look promising. While sipping my Grey Goose and grapefruit some random person gets on the PA announcing that my flight had been delayed another hour no biggie, I'll have a another please. long story short I was shit faced at around 4:30pm because my flight was delayed like four freekin times (I cant really remember) and the airlines were now shutting down various north east airports. so, I called Triple worried I was not going make it, to find out that the system was nowhere near Ithaca NY, and some of his frat brothers were coming into EVL that night. I jumped up all wobbly stumbled to the ticket counter, all smelling like booze and demanded to be on the next flight to Ithaca. It must be my charm and articulate speech that wooed the lovely Sharon because she was kind enough to get her manager and then the manger got her supervisor. The three lovely airline women explained to me that Ithaca was not a connecting city and that I was going to have to pay $122.97 (telling a drunk college kid this is like telling him they stopped distilling liquor) to get to Ithaca so I called mom. You see mom has owned travel agencies for like thirty some years and if any one could talk to corporate it would be her. she made the phone call and poof no fee. I got back in line went to the same three lovely ladies form the great city of Philadelphia and explained my situation. One women laughed, and said "you are soooo cool, we will get right on printing your ticket Mr. Fresh." I was all like, yeah that's how you get that respect round here, dood. 

I hopped the flight, rolled into Ithaca to find out that my bags were gone baby gone....FUCK! Filled out the bag form, still wasted, ran to the car to meet John and Max, and rolled to the gas station for the essentials...a 12 pack of blue of course. I had been drunk all day, why let a great buzz go to waste, fuck that! After some much needed adult sodas and a two hour car ride in a freekin' blizzard, we had finally arrived!!!!!!! The next two days were filled with more drinking, John fighting a bouncer, and me successfully eliminating "allllllll the beers." which now brings us full circle to day three. Saturday night, it must have snowed a good 26 inches, the slopes were covered in snow and so was the deck. Because Triple's parents were hosting the ski party it was our job to clear the deck. we were going to use the snow blower but the stupid fucker decided to go all dead (which was a good thing) we had to do it by hand. Now you see this deck is big and wraps around the whole house, you know it's one of those quaint little 10,000 square foot ski homes. I think we got done with half and decided to treat ourselves to a beer. While sitting on the deck someone decides to mention that we could use the rest of the snow to create a beer pong table, and thats what we did. We may be drunks but we are creative in our drinking activities, we take this shit seriously! We all got to work and even the neighbor kids got involved with the big dig. That day Triple and I were a dominating force on the coolest beer pong table ever to be constructed and think we went like 11-1. Smoking all those chumps that stepped to this. I believe our team name was, Team Vagina Werewolf, but we were far from vaginas. Maybe one with super beer pong skills....awwwww yeah!  this table was such a hit even the adults got into the mix and business man Nate was taking side action. The weekend was a great success to say the least.

 So, if you ever get dumped on turn it into a beer pong tablez, but don't let B-Rad play he cheats!     

This Is Not A Shop Job

After the first post I decided to post some pics form past Oktoberfests and other drunken nights in Ellicottville. 

Enjoy ya self!

Sorry J.J.

It Hurts When I Touch it

As most of you know this weekend is Oktoberfest in Elicottville NY, for the special kids in the Class, please sit still, and I'll explain.

Every year the great town of Ellicottville in its infinite wisdom, decides to give back to the alcoholic community, by closing off the streets in downtown for the Falling Leaves Festival, or whatever BS Name they gave it. It's fucking Oktoberfest, dood! I know what you're thinking, oh that sounds like a fun family event, OK! Sure bring little Johnny and Suzie, if you want Johnny to come home smelling like booze and sex. And lil Suzie telling you about all the nice boys who gave her harry Pepsis all night...you do that. 

For the past five years or so, all the fine upstanding citizens that I grew up with, trickle back into town for some much needed relaxation time, or to run a drunk muck in Ellicottville. Oktoberfest A.K.A Not-Sober-Fest has become a tradition we take seriously, because drinking and tradition is serious stuff. We get together, see what's really good (aww tear) and drink, a lot. So, lets talk party, shall we? 

Orange barricades surround the downtown area like a giant playpen for twenty something's to drink their faces off, for no good reason other than it's October and the sun's out....Wait!? What?! That's a great reason to drink! Inside the playpen you can find all the amenities of a backyard mini fair complete with a petting zoo, hippies, and did I mention Beer? Yes, hippies selling tie dies, aunt Marge slinging funnel cake out the back of her Dodge, and Firemen pushing frosty adult sodas out of a truck in support of cancer (that gets a Wayne's World...Awesome!). To my personal favorite vendor, Joe's Smoked Chicken. I have never actually tasted the food, but the bumper stickers are fantastic! With a picture of a red eyed chicken that reads"WE ONLY SMOKE THE GOOD STUFF." I almost forgot to mention the rock climbing wall! A must do for the smashed. What could be better than climbing a huge friggin' wall hammered with all of your friends yelling, "I hope you slip you dumb bastard and your head breaks the fall." Great times.

As for the bars, EVl definitely gots 'em. I would suggest going to E.B.C early in the day for a blueberry beer complete with fresh Blueberries. After that walk around, you'll find your way into some fine establishment that serves super yummy sippy treats, and hoppy pops. If you're looking to get cougared try Balloons ask for John F. they love him there!

As always I have to give a big shout out to all the Greer Hill Crunk Allstars for throwing down yet again, big up for sure! Triple, B Rad always appreciated, and to B Rad's autistic friend for the shirts.        

Hope to See your ass out so you can buy me a drink!