My Wife Would Like That

Yes...........yes you do

Awesome

I'll just Put This Here

I'll Just Put This Here

Beep....Beep....Beep.....oh Shit

Dear Jane

I'll Take Two

Click image to see the whole thing 

Nate You better Get Kellie Out Of The House Cause I'm Coming Over With My Tool Box!!!!

i'll Just Put This Here

My Favorite Inventor

yikes!

Oh Wow Turtles!

Vincent Talks to Animals from Andrew Bowser on Vimeo.

Definition of Confidence......Oh and "Boom Goes the Dynamite"

American Commercials Suck

Link:

does anyone know what they are selling?



neither do i


but I'll take 12

i Like Rockets Too

"The Mother of Invention" Official Trailer from Andrew Bowser on Vimeo.

RA RA CAROLINA!

Every year students at Chapel Hill University get together and storm the UL during exam week, usually by streaking, but.....

This semester to reduce the pressure of finals, a little flash rave was in order!!!! 

YAAAAAAA BITCH YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll Take This One

This is great shit!

 it's upfront you know what you're getting, no BS.

 I think all of north west jersey should adopt this form of advertising, it takes out all the guess work. You know...

How much for a BJ?

Are you a man?

Do I really have to pay extra for anal?

Are you a cop?  

Can We Keep Her?

In the Journal Today
Busy in Vermont

Not every ski area is expecting fewer crowds. Resorts on the East Coast and some in California that attract skiers and boarders who drive to the mountains for short stays, say they're expecting a busy winter, as travelers stay closer to home and avoid flying. The number of season passes sold this year at Okemo Mountain Resort(SUCKS Donkey Dick) in Vermont is up 17% from last year. Executives at Stratton Mountain Ski Resort(Also Sucks, but not as much), also in Vermont, say they tripled their Thanksgiving weekend traffic projections this year. And at Northstar-at-Tahoe Resort, a few hours' drive from the San Francisco Bay Area, season pass sales are up by more than 30%. Skiers "are maybe going to forgo that destination trip and drive to Tahoe instead," says Julie Maurer, the resort's vice president of marketing and sales.

Still, some drive-to resorts are rolling out deals. Stratton Mountain recently introduced a "Mondays on Us" deal that it hopes will entice travelers to stay longer. Skiers and boarders who book in a hotel or condo from Friday to Sunday nights can get free lift tickets on Monday.

"Andrew, make sure we get her home!"

"We'll just drive to NH you can get a hotel, and hop on your flight tomorrow."

"FUCK YOU!!! YOU SUCK!!! It's cool, bands love hearing how much they fucking suck." 

"Where's the pickle jar?"

You Want Pray Game Nao?

I'll Just Put This Here

I found this on fanic.com and I just had to share this with you kids. If you do not know Rickey Henderson, well, he is a Baseball player that lived in a world filled with circus music and dancing midgets, however he is one hell of ball player, and is a candidate for the hall of fame.

My favorite would have to be number 24. cause I usually do this every morning...it's good to know you share a tradition with greatness! 

Enjoi....... 

1) In June 1999, when Henderson was playing with the Mets, he saw reporters running around the clubhouse before a game. He asked a teammate what was going on and he was told that Tom Robson, the team’s hitting coach, had just been fired. Henderson said, “Who’s he?”

2) Rickey... on referring to himself in the third person:
“Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you saying Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”

3) In the early 1980s, the Oakland A’s accounting department was freaking out. The books were off $1 million. After an investigation, it was determined Rickey was the reason why. The GM asked him about a $1 million bonus he had received and Rickey said instead of cashing it, he framed it and hung it on a wall at his house.

4) In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”

5) This one might be my second favorite. This wasn’t too long ago, I think it was the year he ended up playing with the Red Sox. Anyway, he called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

6) This one happened in Seattle. Rickey struck out and as the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

7) Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.

8) Moments after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record, Henderson told the crowd – with Brock mere feet next to him – “Lou Brock was a great base stealer, but today, I am the greatest of all-time.”

9) Henderson once fell asleep on an ice pack and got frostbite – which forced him to miss three games — in mid-August.

10) A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

11) Henderson broke Ty Cobb’s career record for runs scored with a home run. After taking his usual 45 seconds or so around the bases, Rickey slid into home plate.

12) On being Nolan Ryan’s 5,000th career strikeout: “It gave me no chance. He (Ryan) just blew it by me. But it’s an honor. I’ll have another paragraph in all the baseball books. I’m already in the books three or four times.”

13) San Diego GM Kevin Towers was trying to contact Rickey at a nearby hotel. He knew Henderson always used fake names to avoid the press, fans, etc. He was trying to think like Rickey and after several attempts; he was able to get Henderson on the phone.

Rickey had checked in under Richard Pryor.

14) I didn’t believe this one at first. However, I emailed a few contacts within the Sox organization and they claim it actually happened. This is priceless, it really is.

The morning after the Sox finished off their 2004 World Series sweep against St. Louis, Henderson called someone in the organization looking for tickets to Game 6 at Fenway Park.

15) The Mets were staying in a hotel less than a mile from Cinergy Field in Cincinnati. While some players walked, most took the team bus. A few minutes after they arrived — again it was less than a mile – the last players off the bus noticed a stretched limo that had just pulled up.

Of course, Rickey emerged from the back seat.

16) A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”

17) OK, I know everyone has been waiting for it. Alas, according to both parties involved, it’s not true. I wish it were. Heck, both Rickey Henderson and John Olerud have said they wish it were true. But it just didn’t happen.

The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.” Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”

Henderson played with Olerud on the Blue Jays and the Mets.

18) Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

19) During a contract holdout with Oakland in the early 1990s, Henderson said, “If they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play like Gallego.”

20) In the late 1980s, the Yankees sent Henderson a six-figure bonus check. After a few months passed, an internal audit revealed the check had not been cashed. Current Yankees GM Brian Cashman – then a low-level nobody with the organization – called Rickey and asked if there was a problem with the check. Henderson said, “I’m just waiting for the money market rates to go up.”

21) This is my all-time favorite. Rickey was pulled over by a San Diego police officer for speeding. As the officer was approaching Rickey’s car, the window went down a few inches and a folded $100 bill emerged. The officer let Rickey and his money head home without a ticket.

22) When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

23) During one of his stays with Oakland, Henderson’s locker was next to Billy Beane’s. After making the team out of spring training, Beane was sent to the minors after a few months. Upon his return, about six weeks later, Henderson looked at Beane and said, “Hey, man, where have you been? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

24) To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.

25) In the last week of his lone season with the Red Sox, Chairman Tom Werner asked Henderson what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Henderson said he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would like owner John Henry’s Mercedes. Werner said it would be tough to get the same make and model in less than a week and Henderson said, “No, I want his car.” Turns out the Sox got Henderson a Red Thunderbird and when he saw it on the field before the last game of the season, Rickey said, “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

It's A Me A Mario!!!!!!

A French prankster by the name of Rémi Gaillard strikes again! If you like this video check his others on youtube worth a fiver, also check out his Wiki link for some other classic pranks he has pulled off

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rémi_Gaillard

I'm Glad this is isn't just a Me problem

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Your Daily Safety Announcement

Man uses candy cane to subdue attacker with knife

17 hours ago
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home. Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong said the man used the two-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.
He said the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor's home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.
He cut several peoples' clothing before one of them decided to fight back.
Police said the man with the knife was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. The guest who took up the candy cane was not arrested because police determined he acted in self-defense.

here at end homeless sobriety we like to keep you updated on your choices of weapons to use in a household invasion

Breaking News Tom Cruise is short...............and is still gay

whoa is right kid

null - Watch more free videos

I'll Just Put This Here

THE WHOLE THING!

i accidentally my right thigh 

Thwack.....

and i was like

http://blacksportsonline.com/index/5yvj8o.gif

Hamsters are cool but pianos with pianos make my life better and hamsters and pianos make hamsters look awesome. Awesome is way better than popcorn, but popcorn tastes sweeet, awesome beats are also cool they helping small kids in the desert....thank you hamsters! 

That first Turn Will Blow Your Mind

So, if you have not seen this vid you are missing out for shiz. Former owner of DC, Ken Block is doing his thing rally style in his bad ass StI....

Yo Dawg I Pimped Your Shit

Yeah You know It's Like That

I heard these guise the other day and was all like, "ohhhh Fuck!!!! That shit is crazy tasty!!!!" MGMT, hot like fire so check the vids, if you like..... DL the album Oracular Spectacular, worth it for sure. MGMT, is from somewhere in upstate NY, and chill in Brooklyn I know they are currently doin' a euro tour, and that's all I know....For now! Most of their vids are "Embedding disabled by request'' which sucks huge donkey pepe. I was able to post one, but I highly encourage you to hit myspace, and youtube for the other vids/songs. Electric Feel and Time to pretend are awesome songs, so don't just sit there go and check them doods!!!!!!  

Sleep In Your Own Tent

So I was browsing the Inter-Googles the other day and I stumbled upon this sweet shit. Lippi's Selk Bag, is this crazy euro invention that is basically a sleeping bag you can walk around in, looking like the freekin' Michelin Man! you can check the Selk bag out at http://www.lippiselkbag.co.uk/.   

Show Me Your Party Face!!!

Kids, it's time you all should meet your crazy uncle Triple, so sit down and listen to what he has to say. You never know you might just learn a thing or two, but most likely he will bring you home all fucked up smelling like booze and sex.

EHS: How long have been partying, and would you consider yourself pro?
TRIPLE: Being a pro would insinuate that i've peaked which i haven't, always improving and evolving

EHS: Favorite party moment?
TRIPLE: The ones i can't remember and hear about later

EHS: Labatts or budlight?
TRIPLE: Labatts and my thoughts on bud light from Drew Magary of Deadspin

"Bud Light. Bud Light makes its return to the Jamboroo. Why? Because I can't get away from their stupid fucking ads all game long. I've seen a lot of idiotic beer campaign strategies in my day, the most egregious of which was the Coors Light "coldest beer in the world" campaign from last year.
But this new Bud Light strategy has it topped for overall, mind-boggling retardery. Yes, it's the DRINKABILITY campaign. In a stunning revelation, it turns out what makes Bud Light so unique is the fact that you can drink it. My God! What a discovery! I've never had a beer I could actually drink before. Usually I pick up a beer and say, "God dammit! I can't drink this beer. IT'S MADE OF PURE STEEL!"

And then I realize I'm trying to drink an All-Clad skillet.

You know which beers are really drinkable, Bud Light people? FUCKING ALL OF THEM. All beer comes in liquid form. It's true! Thus, you can "pour" any beer down your throat, thereby "drinking" it. Amazing. That's science for you.

But it gets even fucking stupider. Every ad in this campaign involves some asshole spokesman walking onto the screen and freezing the action, to give you a thirty second dissertation on just how easily one is able to ingest this shitty, awful beer. I especially like that, for one of the spokespeople, they hired that squirrel-cheeked chick in the #22 jersey who looks exactly like every backup lay you've ever had. She's kinda cute, but not really hot. But she appears to be friendly, and she likes drinking, so you always know you can hit that shit later in the night if need be.

But I usually get that one jackass who walks up to a gently running garden hose and pipes up, "Wouldn't you rather drink out of this," then gestures to a gushing garden hose, "then this?" Well no shit, asshole. Yeah, I'd rather not get the tap water bukkake. BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BEER, SHITHEAD? NO ONE SERVES BEER OUT OF FUCKING FIRE HOSE.

That has nothing to do with what kind of beer you're drinking. He's only talking about how you drink it. Which means Bud Light could be any fucking beer. And you know what? That's exactly what fucking Bud Light is. "Bud Light: It's Any Fucking Beer."

Jesus. I've taken the liberty of providing the rest of America's brewmasters with brand new campaign strategies modeled after Bud Light's late-term abortion of a campaign. Are you ready to have your minds blown?

"Miller Lite: The Beer With Foam!"
"Heineken: It Comes In Bottles!"
"Busch: It's Got Alcohol In It!"
"Schlitz: The Beer With Very Small Bubbles In It!"
"Sam Adams: You Can Drink It Out Of A Glass!"
"Natural Light: It Makes You Urinate!"
"Yuengling: The Beer You Drink If You Want To Get In A Fight And Piss The Bed!"

Retards."

EHS: Slope day or mardi gras in EVL?
TRIPLE: Can't pick here both glorious days


EHS: Best city to get down with all the get down
TRIPLE: Aspen and its not close!


EHS: Could you tell us about your experiences in Hopatcong NJ
TRIPLE: Facts about New Jersey:

-Bartenders are douchbags
-Beds are slippery
-Hotel hallways are full of laughing gas
-Hotel parking lots spin making it hard to walk

EHS: Best party jam, Inb4 love generation
TRIPLE: Taylor Dayne: Tell it to my heart
Styx: Renegade

EHS: Drinking can seriously increase your vulnerability so it's important to be aware of what's going on around you. Just following these few tips on a night out can make a huge difference to your well-being and ensure you have a good night.
Before a night out check that you have:

A fully charged mobile phone
Money
Keys
Condom
Personal safety alarm

Your thoughts?

TRIPLE: A fully charged mobile phone- one more thing to lose, fuck it leave it at home
Money- no smart ass comment here, impossible to get blackout with out some caaaayyysh
Keys- see mobile phone
Condom- gives you diseases
Personal safety alarm- aka a another beer


EHS: red/black, high/low, outside/in the middle, suit.
TRIPLE: black(for obama), high, outside, king muthafucka


EHS: I feel we should play Louisville chugger over Thanksgiving, would this be an activity you would be interested in?
TRIPLE: I'm actually disappointed you think this is a question rather than just a statement of fact

No You Are

How in the hell do you make this mistake?

amidoingitrite

Show Me Your Party Face!!!

I gots to sit down via the intergoogles with one of our very own EHS writers The Liquid Blazer, to ask him a few questions for our new segment, "show me your party face." I asked him ten questions pertaining to all sorts of real deep shit about life and drinking, and this is what he had to say....

EHS: Favorite drink?

LB: A frosty brew. 

EHS: Favorite time to party? 

LB: What kind of question is this?

EHS: Favorite party moment? 

LB: Birthday suit boat night. 

EHS: What inspires you to party? 

LB: The funk

EHS: Who would you party with? That could be anyone.....anyone and why?

LB: Old Greg, I've always wanted to drink Bailey's from a shoe. 

EHS: Favorite place to get loose?

LB: Big deafening/blinding nightclubs.

EHS: Your thoughts on the current scotch shortage?

LB: I know the credit crisis and ailing economy is important, but the government need to look at the larger problems, like the scotch shortage and development of diluted vadkas.

EHS: Four parter: red or balck, high or low, outside or in the middle, suit?

LB: Red, High, Middle, Hearts.

EHS: David Hasseloff of Patrick Swayze?

LB: Fat Pat no doubt.

EHS: Who would you rather do, Cinderella or Snow White?

LB: Cinderella. Snow White's box is to chilly.   

EHS: Thanks Blazer for taking the time to get all crazy with us.

LB: KEEP IT STEAMY!!!!!!!!!

I Never Exhaled

Andy Martin created a stop motion animated video to Paul Steel's little ditty, Honkin' On My Crack Pipe. I am sure somewhere Amy Winehouse is stewing over the fact she did not come up with idea first.

Remember kids drugs are bad! 

It's An Unbalanced Load!!!!

I hope this joke never dies!!

Wait I Will Not Stand For This To Be Anything Other Than a Good Time

The story went a little something like this.......

Two years or so ago on a Wednesday, I was walking into the beer cooler at our local Wegmans, and stumbled on what can be described as one of the greatest beer buys ever. Yes kids I am talking about the mini-keg!  for those who do not know you are all fucking suckers, just playin', but you need to get on the ones and twos. 

The Labatts brewing company located in the nether regions of Canada, a.k.a Americas hat, sells an item worthy to be called beautiful. Filled with golden tasty lager goodness for only $21.00, 1/8 kegs or Mini-kegs hold about 45 cold ones, and any red blooded American who buys thirty racks knows it's about 19 and some change for bud light. The beauty part in the whole deal would have to be the absence of paper work the buyer must fill out...you know, that little yellow sticker your grocer places on the side that states, "I'm the fucking Dumb ass that bought this keg and gave it to my underage friend to bring to a hike school party, and now I am facing 42 counts of under age drinking charges" yeah that little sticker, however the deposit is 30 beans (ouch). So if you do decide to go with the money deal, remember to keep the shell, don't let your idiot friends throw it off the side of the boat. With that said, lets talk about a little tradition we have dubbed, "Mini-Keg Wednesdays," and it goes a lil something like this.....

That fateful day has brought upon great tradition to chautauqua lake by the way of cold sippy treats, good friends, and boats. Every Wednesday from then on the liquid blazer and I rounded up the troops to celebrate drinking, and hard core hip-hop beats. Incidentally we also stumbled upon Falcon's Landing, the go to spot on the lake for late night drinking, or drinking anytime really.  

so without further interruption I will leave you with thoughts of summer, and beer drinks with friends....      

    

A Video Worthy To Be On EHS

Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos- As Tall As Cliffs

The song is so so but the video is great! 

President George W. getting loose 

I'll Just Put This Here

Almost Famous

"Brodie Waffles"....what can be said about him that already hasn't been said about Hannah Schuler...He looks tired and depleted, rode hard and put away wet. It is common knowledge that brodie waffles in not in the best shape of his life, hes had many long but enjoyable years that have seemed to pass by so quick...I can remember his beginning years when the waffle was merely a pup....the waffle was the best behaved of the litter when we went to choose him and that same mellowness has followed him threw his years of life except for when he chewed the shit out of my bed. Hes been beat up by neighbor hood dogs, and when he was not able to retaliate I did with a full CO2 and a hopper full of paintballs. Brodie goes to the vet, eats dog food, and likes biscuits. His favorite past time is eating grass, and not lifting his leg to pee....mainly because he is just old. Brodie doesnt wear a collar because he is not a fan of them. He is up to date on all his shots, and enjoys a good scratch behind the ears or on his belly. Im pretty sure brodie has never been laid, and he doesnt have balls. You can almost always catch brodie in the VIP section of the hottest night club enjoying a good line of blow. He doesnt wear shoes, or clothes. Brodie sleeps on a floor bed. Waffles enjoys snow but only for a couple weeks then he gets cold. He wears a walkman because after 10 minutes because he gets bored. He can swim but doesnt like the water. He is groomed monthly and sheds fur. My dog is awesome and although it might take him 7 minutes to lay down he still has many years left and would like to visit florida again. He likes florida but thinks it can be hot at times.



I really didnt know what the fuck to write...post this on the blog...everyone will love it.

The Wiz

Just wanted to bring back a classic and maybe school some newbies in the process!!!

The buck Stops With Chuck

Well kids it's been awhile since I last posted, and I thought why not start off with our good friend Chase. Last entry Stay Pokin' was the salutation of the day, but this time we are going to fuckin' kick it up a notch, and take 'em to the limit!!!!!!!!

Chase likes to throw this little gem out there, I think for his own twisted enjoyment because I have no fucking clue how to interpret it. The phrase is "Keep It Steamy," and I hope you understand the quandary I am faced with. The sheer multitude of innuendo, colloquilaism, or dick and fart humor is perplexing, to say the least. What's really intriguing, is the spark in Chase's head when he decided to end informal conversations with "Keep It Steamy." I could go into great detail about what it could be in reference to, but you can infer what you will.  

so let's use it in a sentence, shall we....

Marc Fresh: Well I gots to be all up out this bizzznatch, big weekend coming up! 

Chase: (said as white as possible) Yo player, keep it real out in the streets, yo.

Fresh: It's all good homie, aint no thang like the great Notorious BIG once said..."Poppa been smooth since days of underroos."

Chase: Werd.....Keep It Steamy!!

Fresh: Troof!

And that EHS readers is how you do it!!

Remember kids this weekends drink of choice will be the Brad Turner special..... anything you're buying cause he is not 21. Keep waiting brad, these next five months will pass by quick enough.   

 

   

Who Let You out?

I Run This Shit!

I'm an educated fool, with money on my mind

Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye

I'm a loped-out gangsta, set-trippin banger

and my homies is down, so don't arouse my anger, fool

 

Eat Your Vegetables Punch Your Cat

I am supposed to write an article about Ryan and Evan's dog Brodie Waffles, but fucked if I know what to write. 

Brodie is a he, and a dog, I think he likes dog food. Brodie, might like bacon, but Ryan likes bacon more. Brodie, is yellow and a lab, and suffers from not having a neck due to a tragic water skiing accident when he was a pup. Now Brodie is neckless, this makes for a slight inconvenience when collar shopping. Brodie, once saved a school bus full of blind children from german, pepe, whacking transsexuals, with a rubber hose, and a latex vagina. Brodie is old, and has kicked Chuck Norris in the balls and has lived to tell about it. Brodie once ran for president and won but gave all the powers to George W. Bush. Brodie always wraps his tool, cause he is not a fool. I think he played lead guitar in the popular 90's group Enya, but quit due to creative differences. Fact, Brodie is not allowed to go down stairs. Sources tell me that it takes Brodie Waffles seven minutes to lay down. Brodie is not a Buffalo Bills fan. Brodie gets more ass than a toilet seat. Brodie will drink you under the table because he is a dog, and fits under the table. He has no mother because he manifested himself from the Underverse, and is a Necromonger. One time he drank Mike ditka. Contrary to popular belief, He is not a vampire and will not suck your blood. Brodie always sticks it to the man, but prefers women. He is not dead. Brodie lives in a house? 

Currently he is still living at his parents house in Lakewood NY, trying to write the great american novel. There was a recent Brodie Waffles sighting in Ellicottville NY, but when contacting his people they declined an interview.   

So, that's, like, the Waffles in a nut shell, there are many more tales filled with raping and pillaging, but writing this is wearing me out...I need a drinkie!

Until next time, STAY POKING!!!!! 

P.s Do not forget to drink your bourbon kids. It promotes cardiovascular health, strong bones, and this delightful euphoric feeling know as Shit Faced!! 

P.S.s Sorry about he quality of the photos...Evan suffers form parkinson or some other debilitating disease that dose not allow a human being to hold a camera properly.   

SAVE THE KIDS!!!! NAO!

Is That Ben's Mom?

I just had to post this...sorry if I offend anyone, but this is great shit!

Thank you internet, you're awesome!

P.s are those midgets? 

I heart midgets,a and porn with midgets!

That's Not My Foot!

Everyone who missed October fest is a DICK!!!!!!

More to come.....

The Buck Stops With Chuck

Welcome, sit, have a drink, relax, enjoy ya self....ahhhh that's nice!  Today I would like to introduce you to my good friend Chase's and his less than conventional salutations. Now what you have to understand is chase is just as normal as you and I if not  more so: job, steady GF, house, dog; the domestic scene. What sets him apart form the rest and deserves a spot on EHS, is the interesting and colorful ways he chooses to say goodbye. Now it's important to keep an open mind, all of what he says is meant in good fun, but when caught off  guard by his nosensical ramblings can be confusing like that cube but very funny nonetheless. 

I will start off easy today, throwing out one to ponder/use/whatever....

STAY POKIN'

Ok, this is a recent favorite salutation of my good friend, Chase, and is more often than not directed to men after a long night of drinking. Known for it's fun sexual innuendo, playfully tossed out there like grand mama's salad. 

how to use this in everyday speech:

Marc Fresh: Hey Chase, thanks for having me over, it's been a great night.

Chase: Alright, been fun holmes, Stay Pokin'!    

Marc Fresh: Did he just tell me to, "Stay Pokin'!?" WTF!? 

Next time you are out and about with all the doods and it's time to call it a night, remember STAY POKIN' is a gold medal closer!   

My Beer Is Warm, Can You Hold This?

Last year on a sunny February day we decided to switch it up for a change, and get drunk. Triple's parents were hosting the Yacht club ski party that weekend and we were all in town for the Mardi Gras festival that was going on. The weather was great and the snow was even better, it made for a great time. 

I flew out of RDU that friday at 9:30am and was scheduled to land in Buff.  5pm or so. I had a layover in Philly and landed about 11:30 and had a hour to kick it. You guessed it, I ran straight to the first bar I could find. Sitting at the counter, I was watching the weather and noticed that a huge weather system was headed for NY that did not look promising. While sipping my Grey Goose and grapefruit some random person gets on the PA announcing that my flight had been delayed another hour no biggie, I'll have a another please. long story short I was shit faced at around 4:30pm because my flight was delayed like four freekin times (I cant really remember) and the airlines were now shutting down various north east airports. so, I called Triple worried I was not going make it, to find out that the system was nowhere near Ithaca NY, and some of his frat brothers were coming into EVL that night. I jumped up all wobbly stumbled to the ticket counter, all smelling like booze and demanded to be on the next flight to Ithaca. It must be my charm and articulate speech that wooed the lovely Sharon because she was kind enough to get her manager and then the manger got her supervisor. The three lovely airline women explained to me that Ithaca was not a connecting city and that I was going to have to pay $122.97 (telling a drunk college kid this is like telling him they stopped distilling liquor) to get to Ithaca so I called mom. You see mom has owned travel agencies for like thirty some years and if any one could talk to corporate it would be her. she made the phone call and poof no fee. I got back in line went to the same three lovely ladies form the great city of Philadelphia and explained my situation. One women laughed, and said "you are soooo cool, we will get right on printing your ticket Mr. Fresh." I was all like, yeah that's how you get that respect round here, dood. 

I hopped the flight, rolled into Ithaca to find out that my bags were gone baby gone....FUCK! Filled out the bag form, still wasted, ran to the car to meet John and Max, and rolled to the gas station for the essentials...a 12 pack of blue of course. I had been drunk all day, why let a great buzz go to waste, fuck that! After some much needed adult sodas and a two hour car ride in a freekin' blizzard, we had finally arrived!!!!!!! The next two days were filled with more drinking, John fighting a bouncer, and me successfully eliminating "allllllll the beers." which now brings us full circle to day three. Saturday night, it must have snowed a good 26 inches, the slopes were covered in snow and so was the deck. Because Triple's parents were hosting the ski party it was our job to clear the deck. we were going to use the snow blower but the stupid fucker decided to go all dead (which was a good thing) we had to do it by hand. Now you see this deck is big and wraps around the whole house, you know it's one of those quaint little 10,000 square foot ski homes. I think we got done with half and decided to treat ourselves to a beer. While sitting on the deck someone decides to mention that we could use the rest of the snow to create a beer pong table, and thats what we did. We may be drunks but we are creative in our drinking activities, we take this shit seriously! We all got to work and even the neighbor kids got involved with the big dig. That day Triple and I were a dominating force on the coolest beer pong table ever to be constructed and think we went like 11-1. Smoking all those chumps that stepped to this. I believe our team name was, Team Vagina Werewolf, but we were far from vaginas. Maybe one with super beer pong skills....awwwww yeah!  this table was such a hit even the adults got into the mix and business man Nate was taking side action. The weekend was a great success to say the least.

 So, if you ever get dumped on turn it into a beer pong tablez, but don't let B-Rad play he cheats!     

This Is Not A Shop Job

After the first post I decided to post some pics form past Oktoberfests and other drunken nights in Ellicottville. 

Enjoy ya self!

Sorry J.J.

It Hurts When I Touch it

As most of you know this weekend is Oktoberfest in Elicottville NY, for the special kids in the Class, please sit still, and I'll explain.

Every year the great town of Ellicottville in its infinite wisdom, decides to give back to the alcoholic community, by closing off the streets in downtown for the Falling Leaves Festival, or whatever BS Name they gave it. It's fucking Oktoberfest, dood! I know what you're thinking, oh that sounds like a fun family event, OK! Sure bring little Johnny and Suzie, if you want Johnny to come home smelling like booze and sex. And lil Suzie telling you about all the nice boys who gave her harry Pepsis all night...you do that. 

For the past five years or so, all the fine upstanding citizens that I grew up with, trickle back into town for some much needed relaxation time, or to run a drunk muck in Ellicottville. Oktoberfest A.K.A Not-Sober-Fest has become a tradition we take seriously, because drinking and tradition is serious stuff. We get together, see what's really good (aww tear) and drink, a lot. So, lets talk party, shall we? 

Orange barricades surround the downtown area like a giant playpen for twenty something's to drink their faces off, for no good reason other than it's October and the sun's out....Wait!? What?! That's a great reason to drink! Inside the playpen you can find all the amenities of a backyard mini fair complete with a petting zoo, hippies, and did I mention Beer? Yes, hippies selling tie dies, aunt Marge slinging funnel cake out the back of her Dodge, and Firemen pushing frosty adult sodas out of a truck in support of cancer (that gets a Wayne's World...Awesome!). To my personal favorite vendor, Joe's Smoked Chicken. I have never actually tasted the food, but the bumper stickers are fantastic! With a picture of a red eyed chicken that reads"WE ONLY SMOKE THE GOOD STUFF." I almost forgot to mention the rock climbing wall! A must do for the smashed. What could be better than climbing a huge friggin' wall hammered with all of your friends yelling, "I hope you slip you dumb bastard and your head breaks the fall." Great times.

As for the bars, EVl definitely gots 'em. I would suggest going to E.B.C early in the day for a blueberry beer complete with fresh Blueberries. After that walk around, you'll find your way into some fine establishment that serves super yummy sippy treats, and hoppy pops. If you're looking to get cougared try Balloons ask for John F. they love him there!

As always I have to give a big shout out to all the Greer Hill Crunk Allstars for throwing down yet again, big up for sure! Triple, B Rad always appreciated, and to B Rad's autistic friend for the shirts.        

Hope to See your ass out so you can buy me a drink!